Okay, so this is my trip report from my recent trip to Sevastopol, Ukraine. I’m a 32 year old good looking pilot and travel worldwide for a living, but this was my first time to Eastern Europe. I wrote to many and went to see one primary girl and a few others, as a backup and to get some perspective. Long story short, the primary girl turned out to be an angel and the trip was a success. I’m sure I had plenty of luck on my side, but I think I was also smart and hopefully someone can take something from this and others can add to it.
About being smart. I just want to write a few paragraphs about attitude and frame of mind when it comes to women and dating. These are only my humble opinions that work for me personally. If you want to skip ahead to the trip itself, it’s down there somewhere.
There was a time when I played the whole romance-courting-nice-guy-wins-the-prize approach like in the movies. That didn’t work so well, despite a few serious relationships after high school. I traded a lot of my time, money, and self respect for ladies’ approval and was actually surprised when they lost interest. Maybe we all have that phase. I know a lot of guys spend their whole lives as an average frustrated pushover. It’s not necessary.
So I decided to get educated and have control over my love life. I wanted to be the kind of guy that naturally attracts women and at the same time has a really cool life that gives me happiness and satisfaction, alone or in a relationship. I found some great gurus on the subject, like David Deangelo and started to integrate a better outlook into my daily life. I learned to be confident, cool and funny, and not so attached to the outcome of everything.
I became a real man. They noticed. Life is good.
IMHO, women want to be swept away in an exciting, passionate adventure. They want a challenging, unpredictable, socially savvy leader of men and they are attracted to a guy who is on his path in life and who makes his environment work for him. They want a guy who can feel her heart and who sees her for who she is, a smart, beautiful being with all her flaws and insecurities and who celebrates her energy . They want to be led, and to be able to depend on him to be creative and decisive, no matter what happens. This is true for all women, no matter what country she is from. I think those guys are right on this forum when they ask someone, “Are you the kind of guy who can attract and keep the kind of woman you want?” It’s a question everyone should ask themselves.
If you don’t “get it” with high quality women, if you see them as some unattainable goddesses that you hope to win over (buy) with gifts and attention, and think that you can travel to some other country where they won’t care that you are a lonely, weak, unsophisticated, uncultured, unsocialized clod with no idea how to truly ravish a woman, or if you are bitter from some event or disgruntled about females in general, then I would only say that you’re asking for a world of disappointment. You have to work on yourself first. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but you can’t expect some innocent Russian girl who only wants a happy life to settle for you if you haven‘t got your life together. Guys here would probably tell you that she wouldn’t stick around long anyway.
Could I grab a 10+ model off the street and have her in my bed same night? Probably not, I’m no pick up artist and that doesn‘t interest me anyway. But I sure wouldn’t treat her differently from anyone else and even if that frustrated her at first, she’d end up respecting me for it later. (And probably chasing me if I made her laugh.)
But that brings me to why I am here. I don’t want that 10+ model walking down Collins Ave. Because I know what comes with the pretty face here in America. A whole bunch of BS that I don’t find acceptable. I’m sure I don’t have to go on much about this, you all already know. It’s unfortunate for beautiful American ladies, I don’t think it’s their fault. They don’t intentionally have ugly personalities. Our society somehow enables low class, selfish, flaky behavior. I wish I knew why. And it’s not all of them, of course. I have known and loved some gems.
I have known some guys who are very happy with their Russian wives. And I dated some Russian girls living in Florida, and they her clearly different. The more I read about this whole thing, the more it felt right to me.
I have a great desire to have a wonderful devoted wife, a little family, and a happy home. I imagine that will be the best part of my life. I have those traditional values. She does have to be gorgeous, 18-25 and petite, I know what I like and you can say what you want about superficiality, but I don’t apologize for who I am and my desires, after all, this is a world of abundance. But that’s not enough, and I also want what you all want. A sweet, loving, cheerful, dedicated, smart, faithful, honest girl who shares my values and dreams.
So I went to the agencies and picked the ladies that were pretty enough and started the Big Letter Writing campaign. What a waste! I spent a lot of time and money and it didn’t seem to go anywhere. I would think I had a connection and then I’d get some silly letter about the history of the Crimean War or a letter for someone else! I remember once I thought I had a good one, in Voronezh. She was on AnastasiaWeb. I wanted to send her flowers for her birthday, so I asked her for her address in a letter, she gave it and I Googled “flowers Voronezh” and found Steve from “With Love From Voronezh.” Great guy.
I told him what I wanted to do and paid about $40 for a flower delivery and birthday card. I gave him a photo so he could make sure he found the right girl. Imagine my surprise when he emailed me the next day and said there was a woman at the apartment that was not her, too young to be her mother, said the girl didn’t live there but he should leave the flowers anyway!
I tried it again with another one. This time the girl was there but had no idea who I was! Despite several charming letters? She didn’t want these flowers from a stranger. I don’t blame her.
I was frustrated. How can I make a connection with a girl if I no longer trust that the letters are real? Then I saw a way to use the whole flower delivery thing to my advantage. If the person (criminal) writing the letters will give me the address of the girl in the photos, then I will just treat the delivery like my introduction to her. I made contact with some reputable agencies from each city, some from Jims List and some that I found on my own. I explained what I wanted to do and most were willing and understanding, even though I was not a member of their agency. Just ask me and I can probably give you the contact info for a trustworthy person in almost every city in the Ukraine who would be happy to help anyone do the same as I have.
So I made a page with several of my photos, a profile, and a nice one page intro letter that she could read on the spot. It said something like “Hi Tatiana, my name is ______. Maybe you don’t know me but that’s okay. I am (this kind of guy) living in America with (this kind of life) and I’m looking for (this kind of girl). Maybe you are like this and maybe you are looking for the same. I would be delighted if you would contact me, now you have all my info. If you don’t speak English, my friend who delivered these flowers to you would be happy to work with us for translation. I must insist on only this direct communication between us, because trust and sincerity is very important when it comes to matters of love. I hope to hear from you soon”
Then I wrote a few agency letters, mostly through Anastasia Web. Knowing that it was all bogus, I played the nice guy game and within the second letter, I asked for the girls address because I thought it would be fun to send her a little something special. Sometimes I had to press a little or complain to the administration if it was not given, but I usually got the address. Then I would order my little flower delivery intro thing, with a photo of the girl, through my trusted friend and wait for the results. Yes, it is an expensive intro, but for me it was worth it to know the truth from the beginning. If she was not real and interested, at least I knew and I could move on.
(By the way, luckily I never used the AW’s own flower delivery system, and it’s a good thing. I would later find out that they reuse photos of each girl with a bouquet in her hands and a big smile, they send it to you and tell you how happy she was! I also never used their phone service. I don‘t know that it is a scam, but after the trust has been broken, how would I know who is the voice on the other end?)
Conclusion: Based on my personal experience in over 20 “third party flower deliveries” to ladies on their website: AnastasiaWeb is a complete and total scam. Try to argue that with me, I have all the evidence. You are a fool if you think you are actually writing to the girl in the photo. I guess they can play oblivious up there in Maine because the crime is really being committed in Ukraine, but isn’t it easy to play stupid with pockets full of American cash! This is the topic of another post of course, but the results speak for themselves.
22 girls. I would say 30% of the address went nowhere. It was false altogether or the lady did not exist there and no one knew her. Of the rest, 90% did not know me. They never wrote to me or saw my profile before. Some knew that they were on AW and received gifts all the time, they loved it but had no intentions of meeting the guy, they said “not interested“. Some did not even know that they were on the website. Neither did their parents! Someone saw their photo on the Russian Classmates website and contacted them to see if they wanted to do a photo shoot for fun. They got a copy of the photos and became the newest girl on AW, which they were told nothing about. Two girls were underage, 17! I got an email from a father who suggested we just be friends and I could teach her English! One girl was found to be working for the agency. She knew me alright. She wrote letters all day, impersonating these poor girls for a living. Sometimes they did not look as good in real life, sometimes better, sometimes bigger, much bigger. And sometimes the girls would be nice and interested, and email me or agree to write through my trusted friend, and we would start a nice correspondence, making it all worth it.
There was a girl I wanted to meet in Sevastopol, Oksana and she was exceptionally cute in the photos. I didn’t know any local agencies there, and luck and Google threw me a pearl. I emailed and I met Tonya. She run “Crimean Pearls” and her Dutch husband, Robin owns “SevastopolApartment.com.” I talked to her about what I wanted to do and what had happened so far. She was immediately very friendly and easy to get along with and she seemed like she genuinely wanted to see couples get together. I gave her the address and photos of Oksana and my three attachments like nornal. I would later find out that Tonya called Oksana first, to set up a time for the delivery. Of course, the girl did not know me and did not want them. I would later find out that Tonya pressed her, saying something like, “You really should take these. This guy is really good looking and he seems great and he just wants to introduce himself to you” Cool, huh?
Next day I get a wonderful email. “Oksana is a nice girl. She did not know you or know she was on this website. She has never known a foreign man. She was impressed with your attention and profile and wants to write to you. She is going to write a letter and I will translate it” You guys should have seen these photos that Tonya took. First, the nicest flower bouquet I had seen in Ukraine. But Oksana was beautiful, and looking sincerely happy and flattered. She sent a letter right away.
So Oksana and I wrote to each other for about three months through Crimean Pearls. It meant so much to me to have 100% real contact with such a sweetheart. This was the best case scenario in my mind: A girl who did not seek out a relationship with foreign guy in the first place, (not a dater) but who was delighted about the whole thing after being introduced to me. Tonya’s translating is great, she would write more than just the words, but also the meaning of what Oksana was trying to say, even side explanations if they were required. We had a few video chats which was tons of fun, a great way to see someone’s mannerisms. Oksana was shy and nervous, but laughed at all my jokes and seemed to genuinely enjoy herself. And she always said something like, “When will you come to see me?” which was nice to hear.
I also continued to try some more girls in Sevastopol, which became almost a comical exercise. I appreciated Tonya’s personal input about each one. She was not afraid to tell me whether a girl was nice or trouble.
Oh by the way, I have to mention that one girl, also in Sevastopol knew about me, had written her letters through AWeb and wanted to continue. One girl out of 22! She was very sweet, but was clearly pressured to not allow any contact outside of the agency. I wrote a few times but then let her make the choice. Me or your agency. No more letters. We did make contact while I was there but did not meet because of schedules (lack of effort).
It became clear that I would pick Sevastopol as my destination. It seemed like a great place, South Crimea, warm climate, kind of a tourist destination for Eastern Europeans, plenty of attractions and things to do, and of course the generous help of my new friends at Crimean Pearls. Every question was answered and explained. Tonya would be able to arrange travel for any girls from other cities to come to Sevastopol while I was there and organize the meetings. She asked me if maybe I wanted to place an add in the local paper before I come, to see if I could meet any girl who were not in an agency. Good idea. I got off work the last two weeks of August and announced my plans to come to Ukraine. At that point I had Oksana as the primary girl I wanted to meet, one from Odessa that later didn’t happen and I had sent out a few last minute letters to girls from those buy-an-address sites, which didn’t amount to much either. Plus whatever would happen from the newspaper add. I was so excited to take this adventure that all the prep work and money spend on failed attempts didn’t matter much. In hindsight I realize that I would have been just fine rolling up and meeting girls on the street and in the shops and supermarket. But I’m glad it worked out like it did.
The travel agency end of things was handled by Robin, who mostly runs the travel end of the business with www.SevastopolApartment.com. He was great to work with. I chose an apartment by the beach area Omega. It was actually two apartments that were connected. I thought, if I had a girl in from out of town, I would not want her to feel uncomfortable about sharing a bed on the first night, this way she could have privacy if she wished. I made a Paypal deposit and received an email confirmation and packet from Robin with all the information I could possibly need. Everything was there, contact information, info about Kiev Airport, where to go, and what to do, and when. Even tips on avoiding the crazy taxi drivers! Very professional, I felt completely prepared.
I shifted my sleep schedule to Ukraine time a few days before, because I hate jet lag. I used my Jet Blue points for the trip to JFK and the rest of the trip I booked through Cheap Tickets, $1300 round trip to Simferopol, the airport closest to Sevastopol. Not bad I thought.
8/20 Wednesday
Woke up, fully packed from the day before. I had my big wheely and my carry-on one. The big one had some gifts and most of my clothes and toiletries and the carry-on one had my laptop, a travel pillow and blanket and a few changes of clothes and essentials, in case they lost my luggage. 9AM Taxi to FLL, ten minutes from my place and then Jet Blue to JFK. Get my luggage and take the tram to the Delta Teminal, stand in line for bout 45, security and a pizza slice. Go to the gate and I’m immediately aware that I am already in Ukraine! Everyone is speaking Russian, some cute girls in that particular style that I have come to love, and some typical Russian men and families.
I forgot to mention this but I had been learning Russian from the Pimsleur audio course and Rosetta Stone. I felt confident getting what I want accomplished and having simple friendly conversation. (I would later find out how crucial this was to building a connection with a girl who knew little English.) So I switched to Russian mode, but nothing was required here except Please and Thank You, and a few Excuse Me’s. I got the window and a guy sits down next to me, says something, I say something and off we go. Nice flight. They kept us fed enough and I slept in between orange juice and water. Glad I bought the good neck pillow, fleece blanket, and my trusty iPhone loaded with some sleepy chill out music.
8/21 Thursday, after a 9 hour flight, 10AM
Land in Kiev Borispol airport. I’m in Ukraine! I can feel it, that unfamiliar energy, a foreign land. Okay, it’s true, Russians really do push and shove and kind of move together an unorganized mass. There is no order or courtesy, but no one seems to care. If there is a space to fill, someone is pushing his way into it. We go downstairs to customs. Long line, two officers. Another few open up and I push my way over there with everyone else. I notice I’m in a Ukrainian Citizens Only line but it’s to late and it doesn’t matter anyway. Passport stamped without a word. Then it’s over to the bag claim. The ramp guys must throw a bag or two onto the belt and then strike for more pay or something because it takes forever. One bag. Time for a drink. Another bag. What were we doing here again? Oh yea. Finally here it comes and I’m off. No search or anything, only if you have something to declare. It the busy terminal, as expected, about 50 taxi drivers want to “help” me, but I say nyet, I know where I’m going. I become instantly aware of the beautiful girls everywhere, dressed to kill, to me standing out like gorgeous sore thumbs, but apparently invisible to everyone else as I walk outside and over to the domestic terminal in the hot stuffiness.
I find a chair inside and sit down. They announce when it’s time to check in, first in Russian, then Ukrainian, then English. but I have over three hours. I change 20 bucks and grab a few waters. To my surprise, they are carbonated, but whatever. Two girls walk past looking like Barbie dolls notice me. I must look foreign but I am dressed for comfort, jeans and T-shirt. Cute dark haired girl, about 19 with her mom giving me lots of smiles, but I feel like I look haggard. Eventually, I check in and go to the next area, sweat and wait an hour after scheduled departure time for the Aerosvit flight to Simferopol. No one cares. We bus out to the plane and push our way on and I fall asleep immediately.
Hour and a half later, Simferopol is just as hot but cleaner air. We all get on a bus that basically does a U-turn and we get off again. The baggage claim is funny, outdoor and tiny. They might as well just dump our luggage on the ground and let us sort it out. And sure enough, there is my driver waiting for me with my name at a plate. Seemless!
(Tonya later told me about how many guys she meets at the airport, totally lost and wondering where the girl is that promised to meet him there. They wrote all those letters! Where is she? She’s living her life, oblivious to his existence of course. Tonya will often help these guys get home or stay and make the best of it, but I can’t imagine how much that would suck. Be smart!)
We get into a nice car and drive through Simferopol on our hour and half ride to Sevastopol and my apartment. Now I’m sure I didn’t see the nice part of town, but it was not pretty. I mean, really ghetto. You gotta love the girl in heels walking through the gravel and dirt walkways. And my first experience with Ukrainian roads and drivers. Hold on! Typical European make-your-own-rules. Love it.
We arrive and Robin is there at the apartment building. He introduces himself, shows me how to use the electronic key on the main door and we go up in the tiny elevator. The apartment is great. Clean and big, like I said it’s really two full apartments connected. AC, full kitchen, the whole works. We open the balcony window, lean out and Robin points out the beach, internet café, supermarket, and the Omega bar and café area. He changes a hundred buck from his own wallet and tell me where to grab dinner. I remember nothing, thank him for everything and take a shower. I don’t call Oksana because there is no way I’m doing anything eat and sleep. Walk over the restaurant called Contrebus, a nice place on a hill over looking Omega with indoor and outdoor seating. Nice dinner, some kind of chicken salad. Off to bed. I made it .
Friday, 8/22
I call Tonya and we agree to meet at Contrebus at noon. She’s a cute, friendly, stylish woman who gets right down to business. She gives me a local cell phone that I can use to call or text anyone cheap. She tells me that Oksana called last night to see if I arrived okay. How sweet. But Oksana also said she is sick with a fever and going strait to bed. I admit that for a second I felt that sinking feeling of being had! But they just spoke a few hours ago and she’s still sick but she will not miss the chance to meet me, all I have to do is say the word and she will come. I say the word! Tonya calls and asks Oksana to come to Contrebus. She needs an hour to get there. “You were supposed to be ready”, says Tonya. She is dressed, she just has to finish her makeup. I laugh and tell her I have all the patience in the world for a girl who wants to look her best for me!
Tonya suggests we go to the Supermarket while we wait, a great idea because I need some breakfast food, munchies, wine, and bottled water. Robin actually picks us up and takes us there. It’s an amazingly nice place, like some of the better supermarkets I’ve seen in Europe where you can get a TV, shoes, and a motorcycle, along with your juice and lunch meat. We run back to the apartment, drop off my stuff and then back to the restaurant.
It’s not too long and I see her coming up the street. Even if I didn’t know what she looked like, I would notice Oksana and that long blond hair in that short little dress. She saw me and smiled and I got up to meet her at the steps. Wow. And whew. It’s a surreal experience to be standing face to face for the first time with a girl you feel like already know, especially one so totally stunning. She was certainly “my type” in the body department and the way she was so “put together” down to every detail, and that it was all for me, almost made me loose my cool. Perfect makeup, bright blue eyes, a tiny dress that hugged her petite frame and barely reached past her rear, and heels that easily brought her 5’3” up to a good 5’7” I love that. I kissed her on the cheek, she on mine, and led her by the hand over to our table, pulled out her chair and she sat down. Tonya and her said hi like old friends. We started talking, pausing after every few sentences so Tonya could translate. It was actually pretty natural. Of course I can only guess the actual conversation, but anyway, this is the jist:
I said, ”Sitting with you now, I still can’t believe I’m really here. This is great.” She: Do I look like what you thought I would? I: Better. How are you feeling? She: Not good. I went to the hospital and got some antibiotics but they will take a few days to work. I’m sorry. I: It’s okay, I’m flattered that you would come here anyway. I have 8 days, we have plenty of time. I understand if you need to rest, I want you to feel better. She: Yea, my parents will come pick me up after lunch. I: That’s fine (I notice she is really nervous. She’s fidgeting and not looking into my eyes. I put my hand on hers) Are you nervous? (She says yes) Well it’s okay, you don’t have to be nervous around me. I like you already. And I will always do my best to make you feel comfortable. I’m very easy to get along with. (I don’t think it helped much, but at least I said it. The next thing is something that Elena from Elena’s Model’s advises guys to say right away.) I also want to tell you that this is something totally new to me, talking through an interpreter. She: Everything is new to me! I: Haha, yea well I just want to say that there is bound to be some misunderstandings. Especially when Tonya is not here. My Russian is very basic. But I want you to know that I will never intentionally hurt your feeling or say something rude. If that happens, it’s just a language thing and I will be happy to explain it better. (She seemed to understand)
She pulls out a beach towel with a map of Crimea on it and gives it to me. Cool. “Well, as long as we’re giving presents, I have one for you. It’s a very serious present, maybe the best one you have ever gotten.” (She said in one of our video chats that my teeth were really white and that she wanted teeth like that too. So I went to the costume store and bought two of those hillbilly teeth inserts. I reminded her about the conversation and slipped mine in while she was opening it. She looked up at me smiling with these goofy teeth and laughed her butt off. She put hers on and we took a picture together. It was a big hit!) “I actually have a real present, it’s a necklace I got in Tahiti, made out of an oyster shell” I put it on and she loved it, looking at the flower carving on it. I also give her a small two-way dictionary for us to use together. Little did I know how important that thing would become.
She asked me about the trip, what my family thought of my coming here. We ordered lunch and I got a Greek salad and she got this weird plate with a banana, red hard candy syrup, and ice cream. Whatever.
She: So I bet you met a lot of girls on that website. (Gotta love the Russian direct method of conversation) Me: Do you really want to talk about that? (She’s not sure. I pause and make sure she’s looking at me.) Oksana, I’m here to meet you. You are the one I want to know better. But that doesn’t mean that there is any pressure. Maybe it will work out, maybe not, that’s okay with me. Lets just have fun and see what happens.
More pleasant small talk. I make it a point to tell her that she is beautiful and that’s great, I love how she takes care of herself, but it is not enough for me. I came to find a girl who is just as beautiful on the inside, because she will not always look this way. She contradicts me, “Oh yes I will!” Very funny. Eventually she calls her parents to pick her up.
Tonya announces she has to go and helps us make plans for the next day, touring the City Center . I know she is really just forcing us to be alone together, which is good, but Oksana does not look ready for this and I secretly agree.
And there we are. All my Russian is gone, maybe I left it in the restroom or back in the plane. Not even a “Mne gravistsa ti” I pay the bill and manage to ask her where her parents will come. Over there, so we get up and go. I put out my hand for her as we walk down the steps, she takes it but then lets go at the street. We walk past souvenirs and fruit booths and I point and ask, ”Shto eta?” just to break the silence. Of course she can’t tell me and we just smile, she looks mostly at the ground. I take a few photos and her parents roll up. She looks at me and in perfect English says, “It was so nice to meet you!” She must have been rehearsing it, how sweet! Her parents smile and wave at me. (Good, at least they know about me) And she’s gone.
It went by way too fast. What to think? She’s gorgeous, sweet and very shy. It’s endearing, but there’s no indication that she is into me, which is to be expected I guess. Da zavtra.
I spend the rest of the day at the beach, which is not full of cute girls. I eat again at Contrebus and take a long walk around Omega. Long, good sleep.
Saturday, 8/23
Slept in and had a cereal breakfast. I walked right across the street to the internet café and checked my email and inboxes for about ten minutes for half a Hrifna. I walked down to Contrebus again around 11AM as planned met Tonya. She had talked to Oksana the night before and she was feeling worse with a fever. I could only feel sympathy for her and guilty for wanting her to spend all day with me. But she was coming, so I adored her even more.
While waiting, we got into a conversation about age differences. I didn’t have any doubt about Oksana’s maturity and our gap, but I wanted hear Tonya’s opinion. She said yes, she is young and has much to learn. I would have to teach her a lot, and be very gentle yet, flexible and understanding. She would look to me for guidance in what kind of wife to be and I would have to be firm but forgiving when she makes inevitable mistakes. All of this I know, accept, and look forward too. Tonya also said something that I was happy to hear. She’s always good with her honest impressions, good or bad. She said that as she’s come to know Oksana, she realizes that she’s not a “dumb peasant girl”. She’s smart, she knows what she wants, and her family is supportive and not struggling at all. Cool.
Here she comes. Did I tell you guys she’s gorgeous? Another tiny dress, cute heels. Barbie Doll. I just wanted to scoop her up, throw her over my shoulder and well, you know. Another smile and kiss and we are sitting again in the same place. I make a mental note not to come to this place again. I think routine and predictability are bad for attraction in the beginning.
She’s still nervous and timid. I can’t help but see it as endearing, and still hope she can find a way to relax. I think about how if she were American, I could calm her easily with some soft words and laid back body language, but I can’t seem to find the way to do this now. I order a sandwich and she orders a chocolaty ice cream concoction. Does she live on sugar? She says she’s feeling about the same and I say I understand if she is not up for walking around. No way, we’re going. It’s like it is her duty to show me a good time. Okay then.
Me: “It was great meeting you yesterday. I’m so glad we are finally together. There was that time after Tonya left that I know we were both wishing we knew the same language. It was hard because I wanted to tell you things. But then I thought about it later and I wanted to tell you that it’s okay if we can’t find the words. We can just be. People talk too much anyway.”
I think she understood, but I would learn that Oksana needed to experience things for herself before they really effected her. I could tell her things like that, but I would have to show her it was true before it was part of her reality.
I gave her two magazines and explained that they were local Florida magazines that we have. They have articles about new restaurants, events and concerts, shops and fashion, and other things of interest locally. She asked if it was like a fashion magazine. Not really. (I had those but not yet) She paged through them as we ate, and I pointed out some of my favorite places to eat and hang out. She most interested in the real estate section! She picket out her favorite houses and everything, it was very interesting.
I talked about going to a disco maybe when she was feeling better. They had a long funny conversation that amounted to Oksana not wanting to take me out there for fear of the other girls stealing me away! Cute.
We walked to get a cab to the City Center. Apparently, you have to ask several drivers and weigh the price with the quality of their car he‘s driving. We got there and started walking around. It was nice. It’s mostly all waterfront stuff along Sevastopol harbor, very clean and full of history. There was a custom car contest going on, a bunch of Ukrainian singers, and all kinds of parks and fountains, I got lots of photos.
I was enjoying the day, but I would have liked some together time. There was not much affection or warmth going on. It was not as easy to flirt through an interpreter. We were having fun, and she was more relaxed, but it felt too much like some friends walking around, and that’s not what I was here for. But okay, I told myself, no problem. Only our second day. We were time building, just being together building memories. That’s good.
After several hours, we parted ways for the day. It was hot and I know she was not feeling well, I understand. We made plans to see Chersonesos the next day. We took separate cabs, Tonya lives close to Omega and Oksana south of downtown. I asked Tonya on the way home what she thought about everything. She said that Oksana did like me, she even said so. But she didn’t feel comfortable yet, she didn’t know that I was serious. She is young and has never known a foreigner. Fair enough, I thought. It was easy for me to convey that I like her, but maybe not so for her. I like the idea of her coming to her own conclusions about me based on my actions and her feelings and intuition, not what I say.
Said goodbye to Tonya and wondered around for a bit talking to some interesting people, a lady with a tiny horse, some cute girls and their not so happy boyfriends, and a drunk guy with a huge duffle bag of beer. He was like chain drinking, fishing for a new one while swilling the last of the other. He wouldn’t give me one.
Went home and watched a movie before bed. A Good day.
Sunday, 8/24
Kind of a similar day. Tonya meets me at the bus stop and hands me a list with four phone numbers. It was the girls who had called from the newspaper add. Cool! I told her I’d SMS them later and see what happened. I pretty much forgot all about it till the next day.
We meet Oksana at Chersonese. It’s ancient Greek ruins from a settlement out on a point near the city center. Very cool. Very hot, lots of walking. Oksana still wasn’t feeling well and this time I could tell. Poor girl, she was trying so hard for me. She wore regular sandals! No less adorable. We went into St Vladimir’s Cathedral, the ladies were given a scarf to wear on their heads. Oksana was also given a big one to wrap around her waist. I guess tiny mini skirts are not approved. We waded around in the clear beautiful Black Sea. Lots of photos. Oksana showed me a place to stand and make a wish, so we all took turns. Hers was a “secret!” as she put it. I was starting to realize that her English was better than she thought or was letting me think. Same with my Russian, I was coming up with all kinds of good ones. She was walking on some uneven payment, I put out my hand to steady her and said, “Abnimi menya” (Hold me) and they thought it was hilarious. We were definitely starting to have more direct talk, and I was ready for some one on one time. I know Tonya agreed. Still not much affection and flirting, but what can you do while sweating and walking around in the dirt?
We had lunch at a little café outside the gate to Chersonese. I was starting to feel a little weird myself. Spent some extra time in the restroom. We had sandwiches, some kind of yummy spiked milkshake and some light talk. I told Oksana about the great American word “whatever” and how we use it all the time to mean ”It’s okay if we don’t agree or understand each other completely, we can just blow it off and move on.” Not the first time I’ve talked to a Russian about this and it’s always a funny conversation. I don’t think they have this word or notion. My Russian friends in Florida don’t seem to get it, they need me to fully understand the topic at hand before we move on to a new one. I tease them all the time with a nicely placed “whatever” and it makes them crazy. But Oksana seemed to like it. It would later be the source of lots of laughs, with us trying to find something in the dictionary, and giving up with a “whatever!”
We got to talking about Balaklava, a place I wanted to see outside of Sevastopol, I heard they had a secret underground soviet submarine base that you could tour. I like that stuff. Oksana said, very nonchalant, “Yes, my parents will take us there tomorrow.” It was like it had already been planned. Wow! She wanted me to meet her parents! I was thrilled. I would imagine that’s a big sign, she wouldn’t want that to happen if she wasn’t into me. And it also meant that they wanted to meet me too. Awesome. I’m great with parents. I had to ask how much they know about me. Her and Tonya had what must have been a very funny exchange, Oksana turns to me and says “Secret!” Okay okay. But do they know I came here to meet you? Yes they do.
Don’t forget, I had already seen them briefly on the first day. They smiled and waved from the car, so I know they approve. Good. The only possible outcome of this is them seeing that I’m a nice guy and treat their daughter well. I can’t loose.
After lunch I turned to her and said, “I’m not feeling very well, I think I’m going to just go back to the apartment and relax. Why don’t you come with me? We can watch a movie and when you are ready, I’ll get a taxi for you.” But she declined, said she had to go take her antibiotic soon and wanted a nap. I said okay, hiding my slight disappointment. “Well, if you want to come over later, I would be happy to have your company.” I knew she wouldn’t come. She was not ready to be alone with me in the apartment. It was okay, she can’t read my mind. She doesn’t know that I really was okay with just relaxing and spending time together.
I ended up being glad she didn’t come. That night I got sick. It was bad. Spent most of my time in the bathroom. I don’t know what it was, maybe that salad yesterday was washed in the tap water, maybe it was just the whole change of air and diet. By around 10PM I had a fever and chills, so I SMSed Tonya and told her I was sick and may have to cancel my day with Oksana and her parents! She told me not to worry, it’s normal and she would send Robin over with some tablets and I would be fine. Sure enough, he went to the store for me and came over with the medicine. Did I tell you guys that these people are great? I really hope this post gives them some business, they deserve it. CrimeanPearls.com and SevastopolApartment.com!
Anyway, by morning I was fine! Thanks Robin!
Monday 8/25
This was a very good day. Tonya had arranged for her driver to pick me up around 10AM and had written Oksana’s address on a piece of paper for me. It was about a 20 minute drive through the city center and then south to the outskirts. I followed along on my map to see where we were going. Some of the roads were bad and some were pretty tree lined streets. I never once saw a street name sign in Ukraine. Was I missing something? In general, it’s all kind of poorly maintained, but that was relative to my neighborhood back home which is an entirely different world. It’s a lot like Mexico, but in Mexico it looks shabby because it really is shabby. Here I liked it. There is a certain charm in it all. I remember thinking that if my friends could look through my eyes for one second at the rows of unpainted apartment buildings, they would think I was in a dangerous part of town. Not so here. These are people’s warm and happy homes. This is where that wonderful sense of family bonds, that thing we all love about these women, is born and bred into their soul.
I arrive at Oksana’s place, a building like all the rest. How does one tell which door is the right one? How does the mailman do his job? I SMS her that “I’m here!” and sit on the steps. An old Bubushka is glaring at me like “What the…?” Soon the door opens and I hear my name. It’s her father, and shaking my hand with the most friendly Russian man grin I have seen. I speak Russian. It’s very nice to meet you, Mr. (her last name). He insists on his first name. He seems thrilled to see me and we chat a little. He points out their balcony and I pretend like I see it. He then hands me a snorkel and mask, I guess we’re going swimming! Then Oksana and her mom appear. My god, she’s beautiful. Everything is in place, hair, makeup, a new, exciting tiny dress and the standard heels to kill. Mom is pretty, full of smiles, and quiet. She doesn’t speak a lick of English.
There are a few things I already know about Oksanas family, gathered from letters and conversation. Her father is a retired Russian Military pilot. Now they have a home business selling bedding and home goods. Tonya tells me they are well off compared to most. Their car is new, they have internet at home, Marina goes to a high-end university, they own and rent several apartments in Moscow where her older sister lives with her boyfriend.
We get on the road and it’s a whole new dynamic. No interpreter, just me and her in the back seat with our little dictionary. It was the beginning of us communicating out of necessity. I ask her how she’s feeling and she’s much better and I can tell. How long will we drive? About an hour. I just go with the flow.
I break out a fashion magazine that I bought for her in the airport at JFK. A Cosmo or something, I had a few more in the apartment. I thought she might be interested in American fashion and girly stuff even though she couldn’t read it. Her eyes lit up like searchlights, she loved it! We started going through it page by page, it was tons of fun. We rated everything, we liked or didn’t like something, our favorite something, and so on. And we agreed on most things! We got a kick out of the perfume adds that you could open the flap and smell. We loved one that smelled a lot like the very perfume I had brought for her! Best of all, we started to share those flirty little looks with each other. It was on.
The drive was beautiful and crazy, along the southern coast of Crimea. No one wears seatbelts but there is lots of tailgating and slamming of brakes, quick turns and thrilling last minute passes. All perfectly normal. I told them it was like Colorado with all the cliffs and mountains. We ended up in a neat little town with narrow streets. Of course I had no idea what we were doing so when we parked I figured we’re here and went to grab my snorkel and was laughed at. No swimming here.
We were at Vorontsov’s Palace! It’s a beautiful castle build in 1830 for the Prince, as Dad said, “For only weekend.” You can walk through the whole thing and I got tons of photos. It was amazing. Dad was filming everything, especially Oksana and I walking and talking together. I was always there with a steady hand when the pavement was uneven, and Mom and Dad noticed. He bought me a DVD about Crimea in English. Then he bought me a little porcelain Lion statue because I commented on the full sized one that guarded the grand entrance. I kept saying no thanks but to no avail. We were having lots of fun. It was here that we took my favorite photo of Oksana and I, sitting together in the palace garden. When I look at it now I see a very happy girl nuzzled up with a lucky guy.
Back in the car and another crazy drive. More flirting and giggling from the back seat. It was funny because SHE was the interpreter here. Dad would ask her how to say something and she would go digging in our dictionary for the words. I would say, “Shto, shto?” Not finding it, we would just throw our hands up and say, “Whatever!” Later she would say in perfect English, “This is my favorite word.” Cool.
We pull up to parking area and Dad points out something in the distance. It’s a small medieval castle on a cliff jutting out over the Black Sea. I know what it is. It’s called Swallows Nest, I was hoping to see this. It’s kind of a novelty structure built a hundred years ago, it survived an earthquake and is now an Italian Restaurant. But the fun is the hike over to this thing. There are tons of tourists and tons of steps. You go down to sea level, then back up about 50 meters ASL to the entrance. Oksana in heels of course, no problem. Souvenir booths the whole way. We were a sweaty bunch by then. Marina and I take some photos by the ledge and Dad asks me to climb farther with him. We do and get some more cool photos, some of the best ones I have. I am thankful that he doesn’t shove me off the cliff to my certain death.
Next we go to lunch and thank God because I’m starving. It’s a neat outdoor restaurant on the coastal cliff with a beautiful view of the Black Sea. Before I left, I thought there may be a possibility that I would meet some parents, so a bought a gift for that purpose. It’s a coffee table photo book of Florida. There’s pictures of Miami’s South Beach, West Palm, Tampa, Disney, alligators and everglades. They seem really surprised when I give it to them and we go through every page one by one, while I do my best to explain what we see. Oksana loves the high rise apartment buildings and they think it‘s hilarious that you can drive a car on the beach in Daytona. It’s a big hit! We eat Shashlik (all meat shish kabob) and some kind of meat pastry pocket and drink green tea. It’s delicious. I try to pay but Dad says no. I insist, but still he won’t let me! Balshoi spaciba!
No swimming today because it’s too windy. We head back to drop me off and Oksana informs me that tomorrow we will all go to Balaklava. Sounds great and we agree on a time to meet at her place. I try to tell her that I want her to stay over for a little while. Not easy, I don’t want to say something inappropriate in front of her parents. I SMS her with my phone, “I want some alone time with you?” She got read it and smiled but then basically told me no. I don’t remember it there was an explanation or not and we couldn’t talk about it anyway. But I was disappointed. She was not the shy nervous girl anymore and we were having flirty fun together, so what’s the deal? In my opinion, I needed some intimacy in order to feel the beginnings of love with someone.
I left the car, thanked everyone and went upstairs feeling confused. I remembered the four girls who had responded to the newspaper add. I made a decision to cancel my day with Oksana tomorrow. I felt like I had to take control over my schedule and show her that I was willing to walk away if she was not the right girl for me. I’m still not sure if that was the right thing to do, but in my mind I hoped it would get her thinking about what I mean to her. It did. I SMSed her that I would not be joining her tomorrow and she asked why? I said I wanted time to think about everything and maybe she should too. She said she understood and I could tell she was upset. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or disappoint her parents, but I came here to find a girl who WANTS to be alone with me. She needed to decide what she wants.
I would see the other girls tomorrow. I didn’t expect anything special, but I knew it would give me much needed perspective. I started to SMS and set up dates, and made arrangements with Tonya to translate.
Tuesday 8/26
I meet Tonya at Contrebus around noon. We talk about Oksana. She is surprised that Oksana didn’t want to hang out with me yesterday. She says that it seems strange but it’s a good thing for me to meet these other girls now, in the middle of my trip. It will give me a clearer opinion of Oksana to at least chat with some other girls to see how they compare in character.
Two of the girls from the newspaper add could meet today, Maria and Yana. I knew nothing about them. Nothing. If I were to do it again, I certainly would have ran the add for a few weeks about a month before I came so I could get to know them a little bit and at least see some photos.
We walked to the bus stop and find Maria. She was a tall brunette, a little chubby, but cute and seemed nice. We went back to the Café and ordered something. I honestly don’t remember what we talked about but it was enjoyable. She didn’t have much to say so I did most of the talking, just entertaining stories and such. I asked about her family and what she was looking for and she gave me nice, short answers. She was nervous and I told her it’s okay, no pressure, we’re just having fun here. I asked her if she had any questions for me. Nothing. Isn’t there something you want to know about me? Nothing. Okay then. After about 40 minutes I was realizing there was not much to her and thinking about my dear Oksana, so I knew it was time. I walked her to the bus stop. On the way she finally thought of something to ask me. “Did you see lots of girls?” Wow. “Yes, I see girls everywhere. I see about 10 of them right now.” I don’t know if she gets the joke.
I call Yana to see where she is and no answer. I hang out at the bus stop and wait for 15 minutes past her planned time, then go back to the restaurant and Tonya calls her. Nothing. A little while later she sends a SMS and is terribly sorry. Whatever.
I can’t wait to see Oksana tomorrow. I miss her. I ask Tonya if she will join us for an hour because there are some things that I want to make sure she understands. She actually calls her right there to make the plans. Oksana has some friends visiting her during the day but wants to see me for dinner and we decide on a sushi place within walking distance.
I end up going out that night to a few of the discos at Omega beach. It’s a lot of fun! I certainly attract some attention from the cute girls, mostly out with their boyfriends who are not amused. They know I’m American and want to know why I am here and such. I drink a few beers and dance around a little bit with my new friends. One girl in particular was flirting a lot and stayed after her friends left. A tall pretty blonde. I guess something could have happened but I remember just thinking about Oksana, so I told her I had to go.
In bed around 2AM and slept in.
Wednesday 8/27 Not much to do till dinner. I go mess around on the internet and take a walk around and go swimming. Mostly eastern European tourists on holiday with their kids. It’s very nice but next time I’m getting an apartment in the city center so there will be more to do within walking distance on my off time. I don’t mind traveling alone, I think it’s better in this situation, but it would be fun to have buddy along in Ukraine.
I was looking forward to seeing Oksana and talking to her. As hoped, I had somehow gained a certain perspective on everything that had happened so far. There were some things that I wanted her to know and I wanted to understand her too. Mostly, I just wanted to be with her and continue our nice time together.
I put on a nice shirt and meet Oksana around 7 at a place called 40 Mile, a complex of bars, clubs, shops and restaurants. She looks fantastic as usual and we go upstairs to a little sushi place she likes. Tonya told me she would be purposely late so we could enjoy our first dinner together. Service is slow but eventually the waitress comes. I tell Oksana I like the same thing she likes because I’m not about to decipher a Russian sushi menu. We chat over a glass of very good white wine. Our lack of a common language is no longer weird but fun, and we seem to have drifted towards English primarily because hers is better my Russian. Yet I seem to know the words to fill in her blanks! And there’s always our little dictionary that she has taken to carrying everywhere. It’s nice.
During a break in the conversation, I pull out the other fashion magazine that I brought for her. It was the hugest one I’d ever seen, like an inch thick! Glamour or something. This time I know how much she’s going to love it so I pretend to look at it myself with great interest. She’s laughs and tries to reach for it and I say nyet, dle menya and she laughs even more. So I give it to her and we have fun with it over dinner.
Tonya arrives and I buy her a drink and Oksana and her talk for a minute so fast I wonder if I’ll ever grasp this language. Eventually:
Me: Oksana, Listen, I have had a wonderful time with you. I never expected to see all these amazing places, your parents are great, and I am so happy to meet them. And as you know I am here in hopes of meeting a very special girl to share my life with. And I think you are the right kind of girl for me. You’re fun, smart, and beautiful and we enjoy each other. But I admit I have not been sure how you feel. I’m not asking you to tell me because I realize you might not know yet, which is okay.
But she interrupts to tell me anyway.
Her: I like you very much! And my parents do too.
Me: That’s great to hear! I guess I have noticed that you have not wanted to spend any just-you-and-me time and it is strange to me. I don’t know much about your experience, but for me I think it’s kind of necessary to hang out together to see if we have that “chemistry” that’s so important.
She then briefly tells me about her experience in love and relationships. I’m not going into details but it is very little and explains a lot. She is just not sure what to expect and I guess that’s a little scary for a girl, especially with the only American she‘s ever known and the circumstances of our meeting.
Me: I understand and it’s okay. And I want to know that you are safe with me. I don’t expect anything from you. I am happy to just talk or take a walk or watch TV with you. I would never want to do anything together that we both don’t equally want. I will always gladly take personal responsibility for your comfort and I would never be careless with you. Again, we are in no rush.
I am never really sure if words like that really sink in when I say them. Only later do I see that they actually do. Maybe she needs to think it over or like I said, needs to experience something for it to be real, but it’s all okay. I understand. She is more appealing to me than ever. I adore her. I want to show her the very best of what can be. I have this great desire to have a solid month to spend here. And would that be enough?
We goof around some more and drink more wine. It gets pretty silly and I think about how different this would be if Tonya were only my interpreter and not the cool friend that she has turned out to be. Makes a huge difference when your interpreter and your girlfriend get along. (Wow, that’s a sentence I’ve never written before.)
Oksana’s parents want me to go to Balaklava tomorrow and I’m all for it of course. Her out of town friends are waiting for her at home so no problem, we stumble out and I put her in a taxi. I walk Tonya home and she tells me that Oksana is for real, she is just going to take a lot of patience. I have plenty.
I feel good. Very excited for her tomorrow.
Thursday, 2/28 Two more days. Where did the time go? What did I forget to do?
I taxi over to Oksana’s around 10AM. Her Dad is washing the dust off the car windows and is happy to see me. I ask “Swimming Today?” and the answer is yes. Cool. She and Mom come out. I just love the way my name sounds when Okana says hi to me in that cute accent.
We get going and it’s another crazy drive to Balaklava. An enjoyable ride in the back seat. Fun conversation, lots of smiles and giggles. But we are behaving for her parents.
I know when we arrive in Balaklava because it’s cool. A little town with little streets, very quant. I’m sure I could spend a full day poking around. We park at the base of a big hill and begin climbing it toward the Genoese Fortress ruins, built in 1365! It’s quite a hike too. Dad is filming everything as usual and it’s hot, as usual.
Oksana and I drift ahead and before I know it we are at the top, looking down the cliff onto the valley and harbor below. It’s breathtaking. We hang out up there for a minute catching out breath. You can see a few tunnels where submarines used to go in and out of the mountain. I tell her this would be a perfect place to jump off into the water and she laughs and calls me crazy. We take photos and mess around in the ancient remnants. Then it’s time to hike (slide) down again. I go first because I’m afraid she’ll end up tumbling down on the loose gravel and I’ll never see her again. But all this seems very normal to her.
We wander back towards the car and poke around in some shops until Mom and Dad catch up. Could it be they were purposely leaving us alone? Then we’re off to some other unknown destination. Oh, it’s time to swim! This is where Oksana was telling me about that they go as a family rather than the tourist beaches in Sevastopol. There are lots of steps down a cliff and then we are on a rocky beach. Dad jumps in without a moments hesitation and I get ready to do the same. Oksana’s sitting this one out because of her illness earlier in the week and Mom is staying with her. Man, the water is awesome! It’s cool and clear and totally refreshing. Dad and I swim around a little and then I ask Oksana to throw me the mask and snorkel. It’s not like the tropical reef type scenes I’ve seen, but still clear and interesting. I gather a few colorful shells and bring them back to Oksana. Then we skip rocks and goof around till it’s time to leave.
It’s still early and I ask Oksana to spend the afternoon with me. She says she wants to take a nap but then come over and I say that sounds great. At the apartment, I try to give the snorkel back and they refuse! It was a gift? I try to say thanks but I don’t have room in my luggage (and already have several) and Oksana understands but I feel like they really wanted me to have it. Was I supposed to take it anyway? Then next day I remember to tell Oksana to please save it for me till next time I come. I hope the message gets through to her parents. I say goodbye and thank you so very much for everything. I am so glad that I got to meet them. I feel like they genuinely approve of me which is priceless.
I take a nap too, shower and go to meet Oksana at the bus stop. I’m excited to give her the chance to feel comfortable with this. She looks wonderful as usual but seems nervous. I take her hand and we walk back to the place. She takes her shoes off and for the first time I see her true height next to me and I like it. I pour us some wine and we go into the bedroom and sit on the bed. Yes, she’s nervous but I’ve got just the thing. I’ve been holding on to a bottle of perfume for the right moment to give it to her. She loves presents before she opens them, it’s precious to watch her face. She tears off the wrapping paper, opens it up, and sprays some on her wrist. I love this stuff and so does she! It’s her favorite she tells me and is just thrilled! I decide to play a fun little game with the three types of cologne that I have. I spray a little of each one on each wrist and the best one on my neck. I ask her to tell me her favorite and she slowly smells each arm, them my neck. And that’s her favorite. Nice. It’s very romantic in here all the sudden. Then I ask her to spray some of hers on her neck. I smell and say mmmmmm. I pull back but not too much. I look at her eyes, then her lips, notice them slightly parted, then back to her eyes. They say yes and we kiss. It’s our fist kiss but it’s oh so nice. Not too much, but soft and sweet. We part for a second and go right back in. She actually opens up first and I feel the slightest tongue along my lips. Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
After the kiss, we smile and laugh a little, she gives me that flirty bashful look and I know we are both really glad that it happened. But I also know it’s a sensitive moment. She’s very comfortable right now alone with me and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to press for more and have her feeling like that’s what I’m after here because it isn’t. A kiss can just be a kiss. This is that sweet intimacy that I love so much.
I break out the movie that her dad bought me and we watch it on my laptop. It’s nice because we are snuggled up on the pillows together. Very nice. I don’t pay much attention. We kiss again and some light touching.
She brought a flash drive and gives it to me and I plug it in. It’s all her photos from a few photo shoots that she’s had. I’ve come to associate these professional photos with agency BS but these are terrific. I’ll probably keep them to myself because they are quite sexy and I’d seem like I was bragging if I showed them to my friends. My little secret.
We have some more kissing and stuff that I won’t divulge, then decide to take a walk down to Omega. I tell her that tomorrow is my last day and I want to take Tonya and Robin out to a nice dinner with us so we call them and make a plan. We have a few strange snacks from the street venders and delicious ice cream. She has no interest in going out to the discos when I ask and I consider it a good thing, I don’t want a party girl. I kiss her goodbye and put her in a taxi.
I feel really good. I’m sure she does too. There is no longer the question about her feelings for me and I’m glad I could show her that time spent alone with me is nothing but enjoyable. I wish we could have gotten here days ago but that doesn’t seem to matter right now. I walk home smiling.
